1/?

i don’t like my brother.

i really don’t like my brother.

I think he suffers from paranoia. Or a substance-induced paranoia.

He’s a real sh*tter.

But I came not to dwell on my brother, I came to try and hold what so deeply strikes me.

I feel Total Loss™

I feel like I was so close to achieving stability, to getting out of debt, to feeling okay—all to have it ripped away, because of someone’s dogma. It’s truly, truly cruel.

I think it’s that, that makes me sad. unflichingly sad.

I’m sad because I feel paralyzed. I feel so close to having what I need, to having some life-saving serum, but being a hair outside of reach.

It feels like a gut punch, like an abcess.

I feel hopeless.

I know I have reason to have hope, but man.

It’s all just so unkind.

Wednesday, February 12th, 2025 12:04a

2/?

it sears,

feels like burning

I’m on r/legaladvice, and they’re suggesting I get an attorney to establish a signature date.

It just felt like we were so close. So close to there being some peeking glimmer from this boschian hellscape.

What are you going to do.

I feel haggardly. I feel deadened. I feel betrayed.

I feel like i’m dealing with someone without a full deck.

3/?

before me are two ceramic cups

one contains sparkling water, the other contains tea.

My grandmother suggested it as decongestant,

My wife brewed the tea.

Jason is alone in a rat’s nest.

I win.

(ha ha).

You know one time I went to Sweet Republic and their featured ice cream was blue cheese. I thought, “there’s no way they could sell something that sounds this vomit-inducing without it being exceptionally good—no company would take that risk”. So I asked for a sample. It tasted like the lovely mystery juice sometimes appearing beneath a bag of trash as you lift it out of the receptacle.

That’s Jason.

I had every indication to assess him as I should, but I went against my better judgement and gave him the benefit of the doubt. I took the risk.

Pure, grade-A trash juice.

I’ve been letting a lot fall apart

I don’t think I have the grip for it anymore

I’m tired and sunned

maybe it’s a week of staying up until 3.

34 days in Brick City